Earthy Limericks
An overweight girl named Yoko,
Was known to be too fond of cocoa.
She made herself vow
To forego all cacao.
Last I heard, she went stark raving loco.
• • •
There once was a shy, homely virgin
Who sought out a cheap plastic surgeon.
The man, Dr. Fish,
Partly granted her wish,
Only now she’s a beautiful sturgeon.
• • •
A man of unusual girth
Set sail to circle the earth.
He cut short his trip
When he injured his hip
While squeezing himself into his berth.
• • •
There once was a dashing young fellow
Who played in the nude on his cello.
The ladies would swoon
When he played “Claire de Lune,”
Cause he made their **blank** jiggle like jello.
• • •
A pregnant and smug vegetarian
Declared eating meat was barbarian.
Imagine her rue
When she broke that taboo
And gave birth to a steak by Caesarian.
———————————
INSPIRED BY THE DECAMERON
A woman in charge of a nunnery
Made habit of seeking out funnery.
They called her Inferior
Mother Anterior,
For the way that she mounted the gunnery.
• • •
A gardener, thought to be mute,
Was deemed by two nuns to be cute,
They said, “He can’t tell,”
Played his organ so well,
That soon every nun took up the flute.
